1248% Equals 100%

As the year progresses, I am starting to lose motivation slowly. I feel like everything I do is starting to get repetitive and boring almost. I feel like some days I’m given assignments and I kind of just…robotically do the work without absorbing anything. I mean, yes, I do pay attention and try to be an active learner, but it’s getting harder and harder as the day passes. I’m not interested in anything but math and chemistry anymore. Everything else is a drag and I feel like I’m forced to do things. I still put in 100% effort but I feel like it’s not 110% like how it used to be.

I’ve made it a goal to not check my grade this year and just hope for the best. I hope I’m doing myself a favor, but right now it feels like I’m doing myself a dishonor because looking at my grades used to motivate me. But at the same time it did more harm than help. But…what do I use as my motivation now? I want to succeed as much as I want to breathe…it’s just so hard to get my mind rewired. ): I can feel myself slipping but everyone is saying that I am doing okay and fine and that everything is okay…it doesn’t feel okay at all. What do I do?
How do I search for motivation?
I’m trying to search for it deep inside, but it doesn’t feel strong enough.
College, yes. But my voice is saying “if you don’t get into a UC right away, you still have Cal States and community, don’t worry.” That makes me try less hard…I’ve now got my brain wrapped around the whole all schools are the same idea that I’m starting to loose my motivation to try as hard as before. Before the only, only thing on my mind was UCLA. Now I’m opening up to more opportunities and I feel like this is giving me excuses to not try as hard.
):
I’m a bit saddened by this. I was talking to a friend, and he’s a senior this year. We volunteer at the hospital together and he told me that the biggest key to success is mental health and that I need to relax and sleep a lot. He tells me he sleeps 7 hours a day! ahaha. He’s a successful student from what I know about him. πŸ™‚ Everyone is always telling me to relax and sleep. I’ve been trying my best to give myself wiggle time and trying to take things slowly. I just hope that this doesn’t cause me to become lazy.
One thing I’ve learned is to draw the line between work and leisure. I’ve always, always combined the two together. It was terrible. It came to a point where I would be working on the weekends without a rest because I thought that I was having fun and I was achieving a lot. In the end my 1240% work effort and the student who exerted 100% …got the same grade. A+.
I’m doing more for the grade of those who do less. They’re more efficient. I’m overworking myself…just to be distinguished? Is it worth it? no.
i’ve also confused MY own happiness with my work and grades and success. It’s so bad. But I know I’m not the top student, I just need to learn how to enjoy my life period. I think that’s the key to success. To just enjoy all that you do and know the limit. Most of the people (those I deem successful) I’ve met have all told me that they just relax, sleep, do what they love (aside from school), and just take things easy. I think that’s what I need to do…to just relax and not overwork myself because that is doing more harm and good.

Well, that was my thing for the day!
I just wanted to ink out my thoughts ahahah.

**Watch out for a rant coming up soon about Animal Cruelty!**

-Janet

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